after the leaving

well, i have only written once. but here i go again. since the last post i have become a mother and my husband left for iraq. so needless to say, a lot has changed. colden was born on November 2nd at 7 lbs 2 oz. i was in labor for 36 hours and then had an emergency c section. colden was trying to come out face up, and got lodged under my pelvis bone. it was awful, but thank God for modern medicine, because both of us could have died. colden is just like his dad- he makes me fall in love with him again every time i look at him.
cliff left when colden was a week old, but at least he got to meet the sweet little guy. he hasn't said anything, but i know it is really hard for cliff to be away from us. he is being strong though.

my mom has been here since cliff left last sunday, and is leaving tomorrow. my mother in law is coming back tomorrow to stay a couple of days. i am started to feel cabin fever a little bit. there are things i could be doing at home, but i just want to sit here and stare at the little guy when we are here, or sleep when i can. i am breastfeeding, and it is going very well. everyone has so much bad stuff to say about their experience with breastfeeding, but SO FAR it is going very well. it may be because i was so determined.

i miss my husband so much, but colden takes ALL of my time, so it goes very fast. i realize there will be bad nights and good nights, but i REALLY hate the bad nights because they are so depressing! it is a good bonding time with the little guy because it is just he and i, but it makes me miss my husband that much more. being in the bedroom without him there... :( it is just no fun! i have a long way to go. but i am taking it one day at a time!

ok thats enough for now. more later!

i love both of my CBJs!

introduction to start

well i guess i better start out with an intro. since my last blog, i have gotten married, moved back to texas, got a bun in the oven, got out of the army, deepened my relationship with God, and therefore with those whom i love, and am now the happiest woman in the world. the little guy, Colden, is due ANY DAY but is being stubborn, and wants to stay in as long as he can! he better hurry up though, cause his daddy leaves very soon for another deployment. :( this time we can't go together. i get to stay back here and be an army wife, which is a WHOLE NEW LIFESTYLE! i am pretty scared of raising Colden by myself for the first year, but at least he will not know the difference. poor Cliff has to go and leave us behind! it will be hard for him, and for me to watch him go. everyday waking up to see my best friend by my side is so amazing, and i will miss him so much! i don't understand how anyone else in this world could be happy having a husband that isn't mine. no one else would work for me. our relationship is amazing. i guess working so closely together for 4 years really let us know that we could get along. the amount of love makes my heart want to explode on a daily basis. i can't imagine what it will be like when i love him and his son at the same time! i look foreward to meeting the little guy, and don't want to be away from the big guy, but one of us has to do it.